Sex, Drugs and Literature

It begins with me skipping to college one sunny Friday morning (and I never usually go in on a Friday!) to put the finishing touches to my 9ft high masterpiece made from pastel coloured plastic balls (of the kind you find in children's ball pools) together. I spent roughly three hours completing it, picking excess glue off it, generally tidying up. I then snapped a couple of pictures on my phone and headed off - happy with the knowledge that I had finished a week before the deadline.

The following Monday I went to college armed with my trusty Nikon and decided to wait until lunchtime to capture my masterpiece in all its glory as the rooms would be quieter then... big mistake. My sculpture was stood on by someone rushing through the studio! It swayed pretty dramatically and I honestly thought that it was going to fall over - but no...it steadied itself and I examined it nervously. All seemed OK so I sat back down and continued with my sketchbook work.

Two minutes later I hear a cracking noise but no-one around me seemed to notice it. I tell myself I'm being paranoid and get back to work. I hear it again and this time Bex helpfully tells me that I'm cracking up. She shuts up pretty fast as another loud ominous crack splits the air. we all turn to look at my sculpture and notice that whilst we have been gossiping it has been doing a passable Leaning Tower of Pisa impression. And as we watch it begins to slowly lean further as a gap begins to widen near its base.

We dismantle it and I try not to worry. Its just a little crack, I'll glue it up.

But oh no, as I quickly realised when I went in two days later that because one part of my sculpture was now weaker it had collapsed in upon itself. The balls had imploded. So I essentially had to rebuild my sculpture. Steve - him of infallibly good advice - said to make the base shorter and fatter and the top a little shorter. So I followed his flawless plan and glue gunned madly, giving myself quite a nasty burn in the process. And this is the end result...I wasn't happy with it. But it was OK. I was finished a day before the deadline, which meant I could go back and refine it the next day.

On the morning of the deadline I walked into college to find this...

I honestly didn't know wether to laugh or cry at this point. I think it was only the fact that it looks very like a dick at this point that saved me from hysterics. Steve, him of astounding wisdom, offered this pearl of advice 'Stop standing there and get to work!!' Thanks Steve but I'd worked that one out for myself, I just didn't have a clue what to do. Due to its rebuilding and reworking the sculpture now obviously needed an internal structure - but I didn't have time to make one or rebuild it - with the deadline three hours away! Luckily I had my tutor Chris on hand who suggested glue gunning the top half to a wooden easel and making the bottom stretch up to meet it. He also said I should build it into a corner....for extra support. So with Bex, Anna and Zara all helping out we made a makeshift sculpture from a jigsaw of all the broken parts. I am definitely not happy with this... I was so excited and proud of the first sculpture but due to a series of accidents I think I can kiss a distinction good bye. Oh well, throughout the Foundation Year I've had fun and learnt a few important life lessons - the most important being, never listen to a man named Steve.